Day 24

Hailey's fever finally appears to be gone. They determined that she did have some bacteria in her breathing tube again. I am also going to see if they will check her ears because she is prone to ear infections and one of my new heart mom friends said they went through a bunch of fevers and it was an ear infection, which none of them really thought to check because it is such a normal kid thing to have. 

She is back up on her sedation and her respiratory rate, which controls the number of breaths they give her, so it was a pretty large step backward. They said they are not even going to consider doing anything toward taking the tube out until they are sure the fever is under control.  So, we just wait. Today I held her hand and sang her a couple of hymns.  She reacted to my voice a little bit today and it is nice to know that somewhere under all the sedation she still knows who I am and hopefully knows that I am here praying for her.

I was talking with a couple of other moms as we were making some Christmas cards the other day about how before all of this happened, I sometimes felt that it didn't sound like much to offer to pray for someone who was going through a trial.  It felt like my tiny prayer couldn't possibly give the help that was needed.  But, I have to tell you all how much it means to me whenever someone offers to pray for Hailey. It means so much to me and to my family.  We know that all of you are praying for us and it is your faithful prayers that pull us through.  I feel them and absolutely know that the only way we are coping as well as we are is because of your continued faith and prayers in our behalf. The other moms I was talking to, both of different faiths, agreed with that sentiment and how much it really does. I just wanted you all to know how much that helps and means to us because there just aren't words to express it. I feel like I have never been so frustrated with the English language and the lack of vocabulary I have to express the depth of what I feel. There just aren't words. 

It has been difficult to see Hailey go backward while other babies move forward. It is hard not to hold her and to have my other girls far away. I don't know what Heavenly Father's plan for my family is.  I don't know why things happen the way they do.  But, I do know this: Heavenly Father loves us and is aware of our needs and circumstances. He knows what we need and when.  He is mindful of us and He sent His perfect Son to suffer and die for us and to be resurrected that we can live again with Him, all together as families.  This experience is teaching me that I would give anything to have the great blessing of having my family forever.  They are everything to me and really everything else seems like it isn't all that important.  I am so grateful to know that my Savior understands what I feel and knows how to help me and make me able to bear this burden.  I love this time of year when we get to celebrate His birth, His life, death, and resurrection.  Hope you all have a great day!